The Ability to Plan for the Future…Not always a Good Thing?
At 15, I started to have quite a knack for planning. I would be so nervous about whether or not I could make it in my future endeavors that I would start making step-by-step plans to make sure I got there. For instance, I plan on running a business in the future. Would most people at 16 worry about it when the time neared, or would they detail their entire life surrounding this business plan? Doing this tends to put some pressure on me, but I feel it works out for me as my motivation to do my utmost to make my plans a reality.
It is no use saying 'we are doing our best.' You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary. - Winston Churchill
Currently. Living in the present isn’t for me. It’s boring and I feel I need to be out in the world doing something with my life. To start putting all my plans into action. Placing my mark on the world, and changing it. Constantly having plans you can’t yet bring to fruition is frustrating. But it also gives me more time to strengthen foundations, and come up with even more ideas, to support my ultimate goals in life. Think about how action-driven you are. If you aren’t very action-driven, imagine someone action-driven. Imagine the stress of not being able to yet act on plans, which you feel are your life’s purpose. Would you still have wanted this ability so young?
Being a young visionary, I have a very vivid imagination. Though, to the extent of how vivid my visions are, I’m sure I am just a lucky few. Whenever I choose what can benefit me the most, I look into the future for the possible outcomes. I ‘see’ what it could progress to. When looking into the future, I feel there is no limit within my lifetime. So as long as it is within my span of living, I can see the outcome of any plan going that far.
I’ve always been called very observant. It may be my ADHD, which is why I don’t consider it a hindrance to me. As I’ve gotten older my hyperactivity has become hyper-focused and it’s the main reason I may always be looking around me, looking in places no one else would think to look. However, this was just a little insight into how I am. This ability has contributed to me constantly paying attention to every detail and always planning everything in advance.
Whenever I think about a problem I may come across in the future, it stresses me out. I hate to be worried, so when I feel that slight unease on my shoulders, naturally I start cracking down on what the problem is. Writing out every detail I can to combat this potential problem in the future. “If we don’t have enough money for this specifically, what will we do then?” I’m making at least 2 or more plans to questions like this because I don’t want to be at a road stop when pursuing my passions.
Early January I had tremendous trouble finding out what was destroying me mentally. I’m normally a happy person, but I kept falling into what I would compare to an existential crisis too often. Why would a person like me become overwhelmingly sad three days in a row? I was wondering if I was depressed. However, I would be back to my normal self pretty quickly, then I would think, “oh I don’t have a problem, it’s just some feelings that needed to be released.” But nope it would happen again the next day. That wasn’t normal for someone like me, and I couldn’t point my finger at the problem. Luckily I realized that this wasn’t an outside problem but an inside one. I have to reevaluate and find and write down what could possibly be making me feel this way. Then I would ward it off. It seems what was bothering me was my constant overthinking that was becoming a habit, and it was VERYYY slowly taking a toll on me. I would constantly be wondering if tomorrow was going to be as good as today was. Or if tomorrow was going to be just as bad as it was today. It seems I’m just always in the future.
I also had a thing for details. Tiny details. More details. All the details I need. Unfortunately, this applies to me not just when writing (which is beneficial) but to my everyday life as well. I tend to be pretty paranoid because I always look at things that would probably end up bothering me, like the very corner of a room. Who would possibly think to look in the corner of every room they enter to see if it’s clean? “Oh, this is a new building, its corners should be cleaner.” From experience, they aren’t cleaner. They would be dusty…because it’s a new building. Still, that’s not something you would realize till you've looked, clearly.
Having a visionary mind is a great gift, however, difficulties occur when you are too young to enact them. With all the plans and ideas I have in mind, all I can do is write them out. You may think, “there are definitely ways you can start now”, but the same is true even when it comes to taking action. Currently, I’m in the process of trying to write articles for a youth magazine. I plan to write articles on ideas that have the potential to advance our society as a whole. I'm hoping that this opportunity will bring an audience. One already understanding my plans for the world. I’ll have support when I begin taking legal, permanent, and what I call official action.
Thank you for reading this far. Email at celinajohnsonmedium@gmail.com for ideas and questions to be answered in publishing’s. :)
